I want to be at one with the universe.

and my angel told me if I were truly at one with the universe I wouldn’t feel love or taste the tears when my eyes weep

and if I were one with the universe I wouldn’t be surprised by the chill delight of a strawberry in the heat of a summer’s day

and I wouldn’t yearn for the embrace of my children

and the feeling of my love in the moment I proposed to her in the hot winter eve under the Sante Fe sky –  that feeling when your heart stops -nervous with excitement while simultaneously knowing the world was yours to own.

I was sure my angel didn’t understand the intention behind my words.  After all even angels make mistakes.


My angel persisted.  If you are at one with the universe, you will just desire to remember what it’s like to be astonished again.  You will become the weeping willow or you will become the weep of the willow.

You may choose to become the apple, or become the love, or become the astonishment but you won’t experience it as a feeling, you’ll experience it as a knowing, as it is, because you will have become one with it.  You will be fully satisfied with it and it will encompass all you are in the moment you become it.

But, I know you, you love to be astonished every moment of every moment. You will choose to once again discover and laugh because, my angel said:  That’s what I do.

It’s not the universe you are searching for, it’s not the oneness of all there is that awaits you in your most personal moments of reflection those moments where you are certain of it’s existence.

It is you, that awaits you. It is you, that you desire to become one with. It is the oneness of you which will hold you.

Which will hold you.

It’s that oneness, that breath, that moment, that journey, that solar system from deep inside you, waiting, yearning, hoping, believing, you will discover – that’s the being deep down you want to become one with.

And when you do, time will pass, but you’ll stop thinking about it’s passing, you’ll stop thinking about it’s future or it’s history.

and one day, you will once again become one with the universe,

that’s inevitable.

And then, you’ll ask me for guidance to jump back and play the game one more time, just one more time, and as I always have done, I’ll be there to guide you and watch you become everything you’ve already been and will be. again.

Because, my angel whispered:

That’s what I do.