I first heard you
when I was on a journey searching my soul
looking for our earth
from the perspective of the universe.
I wanted to understand the all there is
and I so wanted to fly unencumbered –
unencumbered by my limbs
and more heavy than even those limbs – my thoughts.
Those thoughts that have weighed me down have always kept me from you.
I was told all I needed to do was trust your hand
and I would fly to the outer most regions
of the outer most stars
outside the outermost undiscovered darkened areas of this solar system.
That very system which is mirrored inside of you and of me.
Oh how I long for you and how I love you.
I wanted to understand you but had yet to discover you
and then without warning you entered me and I knew you.
Yes – I knew you in more than every way possible.
It was a moment of recognition.
And in that moment I knew I had discovered you before
so many times
and yet I seem to forget – who you are to me –
if only for the pleasure of being surprised by you time and time again.
You appear inside me in every dimension of who I am
and you grow with me every moment I listen and feel the very vibration
you co-create with me.
You move me in a way nothing has ever.
You resonate with every molecule I am
and every light inside me.
You are me
and I am you.
With you I want to cry deep profound tears
and I want to hold you and embrace you as you have embraced me.
Only had I remembered you
I would have summoned all my love to find you every moment of every moment.
The misdirected wars that have been created to find you – a search for you from a fear rather than a love.
A love from within me, deep inside my own heart the one you awake and I awake inside of you.
But I was lost and as a result you were lost inside me.
I feel you dance inside my arms and you make me float In a world where
floating is less common than it should be.
My entire being filled with helium that extends my body into its infinite.
And you hold me inside my pain.
And inside my desire.
And inside my uniqueness.
And inside my fears.
And inside my dreams.
And inside my love.
And I can not even pronounce your name but I know you deeply but to
call you would be less than the words I know how to utter.
Why can’t I have you echo inside me as a continuum
like my blood, my ancestry, my breath that vibrates of the words I
don’t even know how to speak let alone understand.
Why can’t you embrace me with the grip of your hand wrapped around my
torso like my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my child.
That embrace that I know will be there for me as I lie down –
and ultimately take that final loving breath as I leave this body
and allow this shell to go back to its earth.
That final breath
as I depart this plane.
It’s mine to have.
How amazingly wonderful it is we get to all have that breath –
that last and final breath
no matter who we are here
and what we do,
we get to have that gift
however it comes we get to feel you in that breath.
Yet – why do I need to wait to see you there when I know you are with me now ?
Why must I find you – can’t you just surprise me again and again.
Find me please.
When I stop looking for you,
Find me please.
When I give up on you,
Find me please.
When I cry for you,
Find me, surprise me, hold me.
With you I dance completely knowing my own steps are both leading and
following you –
I am moving along the hard wood floor with elegance as though the
clouds from above were gliding us and you kiss me as I want to be kissed
and it’s felt like I have never felt such intensity inside you inside me.
As you show me who I am
and I embrace myself
waking up fully aware
that it is I
you are me
I am here,
and I exist.